Bond in a bottle
Some six months after I whimsically requested a free sample of the new 007 aftershave, I checked my postbox this morning to find a card with a slim plastic sachet…
King of the NCP
Lately I have been enjoying the extensive press coverage of the discovery of a spindly Yorkist child-slayer stuck under a car park in the Midlands. Mary Beard may well have…
Helpful instructions
One of my mum’s hobbies is quilting, for which she uses a pen with ink that disappears over the course of a day or so. As if having a hobby…
My top five everyday gadgets
I’ve never been one of those fellows who are romanced by gadgets. As far as I am concerned, they mainly fall into four categories. Things which make a simple task easier, but…
Temperance for the modern man
My main challenge of this month has been that abominable test of willpower known as the dry January. This is my twenty-third day off the sauce, and I can say…
The best of intentions
I never understand why everyone is so disparaging about New Year’s resolutions. Of course the gyms will not stay as busy as they are this month, and the joggers thronging…
For the price of a stamp
One of my jobs every Christmas, inherited from my dad, is to take a big lump of Blu-Tack and spend several hours sticking a hundred or so Christmas cards to…
Mr Whippy
This morning, as I sat sleepily in the cold kitchen sipping on bitter Nespresso, a news story came on the radio about this ice cream van mafia attack. My maternal…
On the QT
It was my manager’s birthday last week. He tried to keep it quiet, presumably hoping to avoid the routine humiliation of a load of people clustered round his desk singing…
Indelicate matters
‘Have you ever thought that there are loads of funny ways of saying you’re off for a poo, but not many to say you’re off for a slash?’ My brother…
