Further correspondence with National Express
A couple of weeks ago I sat down with a bottle of wine and drafted this measured response to a run-in with a ticket inspector that same morning. A reply,…
A topography of minor injury
Despite other calamities, I have never been badly injured. I have never broken a bone, nor been cut deeply enough to require more than a bit of superglue, a steri-strip…
Dear National Express
Dear National Express, I am writing to ask you to remove the tracking device which you have concealed somewhere about my person. On weekday mornings, when I arrive on the…
The kingdom of the leopardskin lady
This was on Facebook, but I never put it up on my blog proper, largely because of the hazards of search engines. However, I’ve removed some of the more exact…
Dear Pricilia
I just found this old reply that I once sent in response to an email I received at work. Oddly enough they never got back to me. Dear Pricilia, Really…
This one’s for 009
Yesterday I went to the circus. A ‘WORLD-FAMOUS’ one, no less, which appeared to have forgone invitations to perform in the Tuileries, Vienna and Hyde Park in favour of a…
You can’t beat the system
Sitting in the window of the 8.33 to Chingford this morning, I became aware of the gentle metallic drumming noise of the semi-recumbent, dreadlocked man in the seat behind me…
Promenade
If ever there were a place to truly appreciate the zoomorphic nature of people, it is among the human bats and pigeons drifting round the galleries of the Royal Albert…
Telecommunications
There is a phone on my desk at work. Someone told me to be wary of answering it, but I am of the opinion that it’s much safer to answer…
Alfie with a straight razor
Normally I’m all in favour of making a bad impression, since it saves you the trouble of being discovered as a fraud later on, but job interviews are a notable…
