Making the headlines

We got new email addresses at the end of the summer, at which point the torrent of spam that I was receiving on a daily basis abruptly ceased. While I wasn’t sorry to see it go, I have however just discovered a folder full of the best stuff, which I must have thoughtfully preserved for posterity.

I suppose the idea is that you click on whatever link is in the email, which promptly downloads some vile little spyware program, harvests your bank details and fires them over to a wealthy 14-year-old in Nigeria. It’s the hook that’s intriguing though. Obviously there are the usual tempting subject lines about videos of Nicole Kidman and Britney (though bless her she’s not all that these days), but back some time around June I started to get cod ‘news’ articles with brilliant headlines.

Favourites include:

Both Obama and McCain claim they will deport Elton John

Martian soil is fantastic for growing weed, says NASA

Drunken man caught humping goat

Polar bear finds yoga great for flexibility, but murder on the balls

Its official: the children of wealthy folk are incredibly stupid and ignorant. So say statisticians at Cambridge University, England who have concluded a five-year study into the intelligence of the spawn of rich bastards.

Madonna’s former home destroyed by JESUS

In fact, one prophetic email was entitled ‘Madonna and guy Ritchie to split’. Makes you wonder what else might come true. Will Shia LeBoeuf be arrested for child prostitution? Will Obama appoint 50 Cent as his VP? Is Arnold Schwarzenegger gay?

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