Monthly Archives: April 2012

Grand designs

An architect and his wife are currently building a very small house next door to my flat. It will be over two floors, but sunk into the ground so the windows of their top floor will sit at ground level. … Continue reading

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You Don’t Love Ducklings Like I Do

Winter’s dry, and Summer’s wet, and they laughed at you and I, in a pop-up tent in Somerset, but they didn’t sit on a pink mat, drinking pink wine, wearing thin macks, under thick pines, and didn’t visit the Bishop’s … Continue reading

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Front of house

Across the road from the converted Victorian house in which I live is a tremendously ugly estate. No doubt it was some bright young architect’s utopian dream, and perhaps it’s not quite as oppressive as a tower block, but with … Continue reading

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The Boss

My housemate F is a scriptwriter. Not only is he a more talented writer than me, he is also far more dedicated, and on evenings when I can be found draped across the sofa, staring vacantly at re-runs of Don’t … Continue reading

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Where Has My Steep Garden Gone?

The steep garden might’ve died, the lawn with white clover may have sunk out of sight. These are tired times, the seasons don’t stick to their promised arrivals, the snowdrops are keeping the daffodils down. Mrs Bruno’s green; you know, … Continue reading

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The modern cave-dweller

I’ve never been a great fan of central heating. A cold house is a grey, unhappy place, but somehow the ambient, uniform warmth you get from radiators and thermostats is a sterile sort of heat. It’s lovely to be either … Continue reading

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A Witch-Finger Stick

Using a witch-finger stick to plant beans around a tee-pee. She must have eaten thousands of runner beans. She still prods the earth around a cart-wheel like the queen of cycles. The baobab tree went in with a finger. The … Continue reading

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April fool

I fondly remember the occasion, in a previous place of employment, when we posted a news story on our website claiming that a new Muppets feature film was being produced. For a chance to star in the film, and be … Continue reading

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